Saturday, April 05, 2008

Spam! Spam! Spam!

I get spam letters every single day and I must admit that whenever I see them cluttering my inbox and taking up a lot of space, I get really pissed!
I have categorized the 4 types of chain/spam letters.
Often people just forward those stupid, idiotic, nonsense things like :

Spam letter type 1:
Send this to every goddamn person you know within the next five seconds or you will be hit by a flying carabao from the sky.
*P.S. Don't dare ever break this chain for its really true!
It happened to someone I know.
Now the poor guy is in some crappy hospital being treated with salt on his wounds and one of the carabaoes horns is still stuck in his asshole.
Remember, it could happen to you!*

Spam letter type 2:
Make a desperate wish...
Good boy/girl!
Scroll down and count one to *insert infinite number here*.
Now think of someone or something you really like
Then, with lightning fast speed, forward this to 5000 or so people within the next 5 seconds for your wish to come true. blah blah blah
Come on! Do you think people would fall for this type of crap?
Well, if they do. Uhm!
They surely must be that desperate!

Spam letter type 3:
For every spam letter you forward a kid in Aasdljfaidhg who is crippled, maimed, mute and probably haven't eaten for a year will get a dollar.
Some hand in the sky would magically appear in the clouds and would help this pathetic excuse for a human being to finally have a decent meal and get a life he deserves.
So forward this letter now you heartless son-of-a-bitch, if you want to help that poor non-existent kid.
What? You don't want to forward this? Why you good for nothing son-of-a-gun!
Remember the consequences of spam letter type 1.
Well, all the bad karma would happen to you plus some more! *be afraid, be very afraid!*
And don't forget since you refused to help another soul, you would be anally raped by a hundred midgets dressed in gay sailor costumes!

Spam letter type 4:
This chain letter was started since the late 15th hundred by the great Magellan himself, who sailed around the world bringing this exact letter with him for good luck.
If you break this spell by not sending this to your gazillion friends then imps and demons would come out of your closet in the middle of the night and mercilessly sing and dance to the Barney song 'til you are at your wits end and can't take it anymore.
So forward this now!

*Which is really amazing since during those times computers and email still didn't exist. Or I could be wrong which is unlikely.*

My point is I'm sick of spam. I can't block or filter spam that my "friends" have sent but I'm telling you guys if you keep forwarding me those crap I will now block you.
Same goes for those recycled text messages.

Please just stop!!!